can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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