So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
