She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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