he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
