You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I need moral support for this bender
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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