I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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