I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
