How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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