Will you blow on my dice?
I didn't shave. On purpose
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
