4 words: hood of his car
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
