just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
