eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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