sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
