i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Randomize
