Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize