When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
