Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
