Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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