when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
