is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
