Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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