Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
