I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I touched a dick in church today
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