i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
