I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
