Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
