the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
In America we eat man semen.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
