mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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