found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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