her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I've blown a few things in my day
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
