I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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