I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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