theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
