Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
