at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
