all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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