rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
