Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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