I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
