She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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