Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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