Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
