you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
