dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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