Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Drunk is not a location!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
