I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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