Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
two words...techno handjob
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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