She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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