im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
