i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I FOUND THE LEGS
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
