How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
and she was petting her beer can
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
