you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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