He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize