I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
