Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
