I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
