I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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