Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
