I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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