i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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