He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
