We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
