Banned from zoo.
Again?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
