After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
