just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
