how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
