We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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