he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
