My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
