she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
