What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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