are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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