PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
