sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
