when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
