Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
