Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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