never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
