Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
