His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
