lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
