I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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