I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
