Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
