It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
