Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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