well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
