oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My cat gives me a boner
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
